The first few weeks of college often run on adrenaline: new roommates, new freedom, football games and a full social calendar. Then October and November arrive. Midterms hit. The novelty fades. Friends from high school seem to be thriving on social media, and your freshman is eating alone in the dining hall wondering if everyone else has it figured out.
If your college student is struggling right now, they're not behind and they're not failing at college. Homesickness is one of the most common experiences of the first year, and late fall is a very typical time for it to peak.
What homesickness can look like
It isn't always tearful phone calls. Homesickness can show up as:
- Calling or texting home much more, or much less, than usual
- Talking about transferring or coming home every weekend
- Staying in their room instead of going to events
- Trouble sleeping, eating or getting to class
- Feeling like everyone else has found their people
Missing home usually means they had something good there worth missing. The goal isn't to make that feeling disappear. It's to help them build a life at school strong enough to hold it.
What helps
Many students start feeling better through small, repeatable connections rather than one big fix:
- Same place, same time. Going to the same dining hall, gym class, study spot or campus ministry at the same time each week turns strangers into familiar faces.
- One group to commit to. A club, intramural team, church or Bible study gives built-in connection without having to start from scratch every time.
- Office hours. Getting to know one professor or advisor makes campus feel smaller and safer.
- Routines that ground them. Regular sleep, movement and meals help everything else feel more manageable.
- A smart plan for home visits. Coming home occasionally is fine. Coming home every weekend can make it harder to build a life at school.
How parents can help from a distance
It's painful to hear your kid struggling from hundreds of miles away. A few things tend to help more than solving it for them:
- Listen first. Let them vent without immediately jumping to solutions or a pep talk.
- Normalize it. "A lot of freshmen feel this way in November. It doesn't mean you picked the wrong school."
- Ask about small wins. "Who did you talk to today?" "What's one thing you're looking forward to this week?"
- Point them to campus resources. Residence life staff, the counseling center and campus ministries are there for exactly this.
- Hold off on big decisions. Transferring or dropping out is worth discussing, but ideally after they've given the first full year a real try with support.
Thanksgiving and winter break
The first trip home can be surprisingly complicated. Your student has changed, home may feel different, and old routines can clash with new independence. Talk about expectations early: curfews, family time, and how they'd like to spend the break. It can save a lot of friction.
When homesickness might be something more
Sometimes what looks like homesickness is anxiety or depression that needs real support. It's worth reaching out for help if your student:
- Has stopped going to class or is falling far behind
- Isn't sleeping or eating normally for more than a couple of weeks
- Seems hopeless, flat or withdrawn from everything
- Is using alcohol or other substances to cope
- Talks about not wanting to be here, or about hurting themselves
Most campuses have a free counseling center, and that's a great first stop. Some students prefer working with someone outside school who knows them and their family. I work with college students and young adults from Middle Tennessee, including during breaks when they're home in Tennessee. You can read more about counseling for college students.
If your student is in crisis, they can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911 anytime, from anywhere in the U.S.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for college freshmen to be homesick in November?
Yes. Many students feel homesick when the excitement of the first weeks fades and midterms arrive. It usually eases as students build routines and connections on campus.
Should I let my homesick freshman come home every weekend?
Occasional visits are fine, but frequent trips home can make it harder to build a life at school. Talk together about a balanced plan.
When should a college student see a counselor for homesickness?
If it's affecting class attendance, sleep, eating or mood for more than a couple of weeks, or if they seem hopeless, it's time to reach out to campus counseling or a licensed therapist.
About the author
Joe Jardine, MS, LMFT
Joe is a Tennessee Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #1863) based in Franklin. A former college athlete, ten-year psychology professor and longtime youth ministry leader, he helps teens, college students and athletes with anxiety, low mood and performance pressure, mostly by secure video. More about Joe.
This article is for general education and isn't a substitute for individual care. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988 or call 911.